Last Time I promise

So, my house is as clean as I care to make it. Floors washed, furniture dusted. I can't stand being at home. But the job hunt is pointless unless I want to be a driver, a salesperson or a computer tech. I am qualified for none of them.

Todays "news" includes a report on the woman (can I say that) who called 911 to report the possible break in in Cambridge. It's all about her having to deny that she actually mentioned race when she reported the alleged break in. So I've come up with the politically correct way to report a crime in progress:

911 Call
Hello this is a human being calling in a possible crime. No, I cant tell you my name as it may lead you to my gender identification and I am pretty sure that would be considered biased. (Be sure to disguise your voice)

I would like to report a possible break in at (address).
No I cant identify the suspects but there are two beings kicking in the front door.
Or perhaps they are not kicking it in, perhaps they are writing some percussion for a new song. But I must say, the door seems to be caving.
What kind of beings you say? Well, I dont want to say as it may be considered species bias. Male or female? Cant say, again, gender bias.

But if you would send a few police beings to investigate perhaps they can canvas the entire human race to see if the suspects can be identified.